I seem to be developing a blog-posting Disney theme…First the Lego movie http://wp.me/p45I4E-6t then the Lion King one http://wp.me/p45I4E-7T and now a bit about how coaching can help, thanks to the Frozen movie. It’s about the journey that I’ve experienced from being coached, as well as seeing clients have the same experience. And it can often start here….
“People make bad choices
If they’re mad or scared or stressed
But throw a little love their way
And you’ll bring out their best”
So true. Feeling mad, scared or stressed has our primitive brains on alert, blood flows there instead of our logical human brain, getting us ready for that (now unhelpful) fight, flight, freeze response. Not a state for good thinking or decisions.
Caring for someone as a unique human being who’s capable of amazing things will have them feel safe and valued and much more capable of being at their best. And this belief is what great coaching is based on. I’ve seen the difference it can make with clients first hand, and not just with them but also the difference they can then have on those around them.
And although not everyone shows extreme anger, fear or stress, people who benefit from coaching tend to be in a state of change….
“Let it go, let it go. Can’t hold it back any more”
Do you ever get to that point when things just get too much? When you reach a tipping point which pushes you into a state of change because staying the same is too uncomfortable? Our thresholds for when this happens are all different. And it’s not always a negative experience. Stepping into big positive opportunities can still feel challenging and uncomfortable even if we believe they’re the right thing.
At these times you have two choices. You can ignore the situation and hope it will go away – although if it doesn’t you might find yourself in the same place as the people at the start of this post. Or you can take positive action to change. And this second one is what coaching’s all about – to help you feel empowered and take control of the situation so that you really can let it go. I love being able to help people move from a state of ‘cluttered and stuck’, to ‘clarity, focus and mobility’.
Sometimes to start to make that change possible we need to get some perspective on it…
“It’s funny how some distance
Makes everything seem small”
I find I sometimes have things buzzing round my head that feel big and difficult. And sometimes all I need is to talk to my coach about it – just talking it out loud is enough. And sometimes he helps me put this in perspective in the grand scheme of things. But sometimes I might just go for a quick walk or swim to clear my mind and let it run free for a while (and burn off some cake!).
How do you create space for yourself? When do you think about these things that are bothering you? Who do you talk to when you need perspective and objectivity?
Once you’ve got that you can move forward to think about possibilities, and what’s stopping you…
“It’s time to see what I can do
To test the limits and break through
No right, no wrong
No rules for me
Doesn’t that just fill you with hope and possibility? Maybe you need to sing it to get the full effect!!
So creating new options and possibilities is part of finding a way through your change that helps you feel in control and liberated! But in doing this you sometimes bump into unhelpful rules which are stopping you.
We live our lives constrained by rules – from society, from our workplaces, from our families, and even from ourselves. It’s amazing how many of these rules and beliefs we hold in our head that we’ve collected through our lives. And it’s these that I’m really interested in because it’s about getting to the root cause instead of dealing with superficial symptoms – plus this can give you resources for life that last well beyond a coaching relationship.
You can usually spot these rules as the voice in your head that you hear just before you feel an emotion and take action. A common one is the rule that ‘everyone should be a good driver’ so that, when you’re cut up on the road, you feel anger and then act with swearing and gestures! A more helpful rule is one that says ‘some people are awful drivers’ – it makes for a much more positive response!
Do you know which rules you live by? How do they help you? How do they stop you?
So, you’ll have noticed that coaching has a lot to do with change – positive, future-focussed change. And yet, as the trolls rightly sang….
“We’re not saying you can change him
Cause people don’t really change”
And they’re right. We are each unique with our own one true version of us – and that doesn’t fundamentally change. But if you consider that you’re the DJ at the mixing desk of your personality, there can be aspects of ourselves that we can dial up and dial down to help us have the impact we want. And sometimes we might need to first reconnect with who our ‘one true version’ really is because it can get lost along the way.
What do you think makes you, you? What would others say? What would you want them to say? What could you adjust to be even better?
So, what about you?
– How do you feel about your business?
– What do you want to change?
– How will you create space for yourself to think about it?
– What possibilities are there?
– And what’s stopping you?
– What’s the best true version of you that will help you achieve what you want?
If these questions are resonating and you feel there’s lots more to say and resolve beneath them, then coaching might be just what you need to turn the change you want into an ice clear reality (well, I had to get one more Frozen reference in there!).
And if you haven’t seen the movie I’d recommend it, even if you don’t have kids, and especially if you love a bit of singing!